


shes back, angry, and gay

by Spacie



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-05 15:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12192582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacie/pseuds/Spacie
Summary: "What the fuck. I told you not to come back."It's been a while since Chell escaped to the surface. However, when the ugly ass sphere man returns from space (thanks to NASA), she is forced to return back underground to Aperture to break the news to *her.*





	1. fuck you, nasa

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally gonna be a great work of fanfiction that would surpass blue sky in popularity and writing skills, but i was like, fuck it, im gonna write a crack fic

Chell looked over the fields, and again, and again.

She did this every day. She didn't know why; she wasn't looking for anything. 

Perhaps she had a secret hope for something. Perhaps something will one day be different.

Being up on the surface alone was... well, lonely. Yes, she had the companion cube, but who would have a cube as only their friend?

She looked over at the lift where she had left Aperture such long ago. How long has it been? Honestly, she forgot.

As she turned her eyes away from her sadness she sighed. She gazed over the horizon, letting her hair flow in the wind when-

wait a fucking second.

that is not supposed to be there.

She took a few steps towards what she saw. could it truly be-?

"oh, hello there!"

Chell nearly fell back.

Yeah, she had a few questions. First of all, WHY THE FUCK was HE doing here? HOW THE FUCK did he come back from space? WHO THE FUCK would want this to happen? WHERE THE FUCK did he come from? WHERE THE FUCK did he go? WHERE THE FUCK did he come from-

MOTHERFUCKING WHEATLEY THE MORONIC UGLY ASS ORB.

that fucker was just sitting there, or whatever way cores sit because they had no legs. 

"im sure you have a few questions-"

Chell wanted to scream and kick him back into space, but she didn't want this to happen again, so she had no choice but to listen to this idiot tell his story about his  _daring_ escape from space.

"okay, so let me tell you, there was this spaceship, and they launched me back to earth! yeah, i think thats what happened. they also gave me all this cool space stuff"

Chell was 100% sure he was making shit up until she saw a NASA sticker. 

what

the 

fuck

why the fuck would nasa send this destructive moron back to earth? Why the actual fuck? also, how come he got a nasa sticker and she didn't? this wasn't fair. that other core, what the fuck was his name, space core, should've come back to earth. at least space core has a decent name, not like  _wheatley_ or kevin or some shit like that. seriously, this is a fucking inconvenience. 

time for another wild adventure, all because of fucking nasa.

fuck you, nasa.  


	2. h e r

GLaDOS was NOT in the mood to be disturbed. She was focusing on science. Motherfucking science. She loves nothing more than science, the way it just — everything.

She had everything in the world — two always willing test subjects, always time to herself, and no need humans or other intelligent life that could speak (The birds were an exception as they didn’t try to break your heart or betray you).

Yeah, there were the corrupted cores, but they just stayed on their rails, usually just interacting with each other or her — when things needed fixing. She liked those two cores — What were their names — the pink one and the green one.

GLaDOS had the closest thing a machine could have to life — and it was sure good.

Until she heard knocking on a door that was in her chamber for some weird reason.

Weird, she thought, didn’t know I had a door.

Knock knock.

Her body swiveled around, ignoring it. Probably just a lost core.

Suddenly, the door was kicked open like Shrek’s introduction.

Oh, her.

Shit.

GLaDOS had tried all to forget about that woman, but not deleting memories of her because of future reference was not enough, because the giant fucking robot was brimming with madness like a giant fucking robot.

“Oh my goodness. What the fuck. I told you to not come back. That song for you was a goodbye present, not a “come back anytime” gift. It took fucking weeks to get it perfect. I had to learn  _Italian_ for it. Italian. And you can’t even understand Italian, so you have no fucking idea what the words were. Goodness. I’m guessing, it was stuck in your head for a while. But too bad. You didn’t get to hear it again. And you won’t. You fucking idiot.”

The silent girl just frowned, flipping the giant machine off. Whatever.

Then, she bent down behind her, revealing none other than the moron core.

You know, the core she thought was permenently stuck on the moon. She made sure of it. Every year, she would send some fake file on how to get back to earth, but it would always be some virus. Very amusing.

The girl fucking chucked him up at GLaDOS, and the bigass ceiling lamp had to dodge the fuck idiot sphere. 

He dropped to the ground like the pathetic fucker he was.

He was freaking out by then, doing the equivalent to freaking the fuck out.

”Aaah!!!! No!!!!! No!! Send me back to space, anything!! Anything but  _her_!! Ohnononono!!”

Ha, this was super fucking amusing. If she were a human — oh wait she was once for fucks sake — she would grab some popcorn and watch this sphere panic.

The bad news is, she has to deal with something like this. Two of her worst enemies were back, ones she thought would never return.

The good news is, the core who almosted fucking destroyed the facility, Wheatley (what apparently she found out was the nickname for the core after reading files from the past), is bad and weak. As a potato, she had fantasies (not that vivid and lively, as she would’ve exploded) of making is life a fucking hell. She was now curious. Can robots feel pain? She knew that they could, but how, exactly? 

But for now, she had to speak to Chell, who was beginning to try and leave.

”Bitch you ain’t going fucking anywhere”

Chell grumbled and turned around, flipping her off again.

”Now that you’re here, you should stay awhile. You probably have no friends, or they were all eaten. Or maybe they left you. I would understand if they wanted to be eaten just so they could get away from you.”

The girl ignored the comments, sitting down and rolling her eyes. 

“Alright bitch you seem grumpy and tired as fuck so good night”

finally, GLaDOS could get some rest from this exhaustion.

thank god


End file.
